Confessions of a First-Time Mum by Poppy Dolan

Author:Poppy Dolan
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781788630542
Publisher: Canelo Books
Published: 2018-06-11T16:00:00+00:00

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I smooth out the crackling newspaper gingerly, the faint light of Cherry’s rabbit-shaped night light making it impossible to read the words. But I pretty much know them by heart.

I wish I could tell my mum about this. Or Ted. Or the newsagent. But First-Time Mum can’t leave this house, not unless it’s by high-speed broadband. This half-page of paper will have to go somewhere special, somewhere secret. But even if no one else knows it’s there, I do. And it feels as weighty as a university diploma. This proves I can do something. This proves there’s some sort of person underneath my stained baggy shirt and past-their-best leggings. A person people want to hear from. A voice worth listening to.

I tuck the paper under my side of the mattress very carefully and then tap the Twitter app on my phone. It feels like a good time to Tweet any other mums out there, stuck in the small hours wilderness.

@First_Time_Mum: Who else is awake? New parents, truck drivers, nurses on the graveyard shift? We’re all desperately trying to keep awake for one reason or another, right? Say hello if you’re about. I always like a friendly tweet! xxx

@First_Time_Mum: But if it’s ‘friendly’ advice like ‘Get all the sleep you can while the baby’s sleeping!’ you can DO ONE.

My inbox announces a new Twitter DM.

@BBootsMum: Hello, FTM. I’m here. My babies aren’t exactly tiny any more, but I just have this horrible insomnia most nights. So I’m downstairs ironing, if you can believe it. Do you ever get so lonely that you start talking to the iron?!

My heart lurches as I read this. Yes, I have been that lonely and, yes, I’ve half-cloaked it in humour before. But it doesn’t stop it being real. I quickly reply.

@First_Time_Mum: Morning! Or is it still night? It should still be, but if your brain is whirring with stuff it won’t really listen to you pleading to go back to sleep, I know. Put that iron down, though, and get yourself to a Netflix account. Immediately. If you’re going to miss out on sleep, it might as well be for some awesome, trashy US telly. And message me if you ever want to chat.

@BBootsMum: Thanks. That means a lot xxxxxx

I chuck my phone onto the duvet and rub my hands down my dry, flaky face. I remind myself that the next time I’m lovingly rubbing E45 into Cherry’s neck and arm folds, I’d better slather the leftovers over myself, too. Some top-notch self-care if ever I saw it. Boots’ message is not the first one of its kind and I feel both heartened and saddened by that. Heartened – that I’m not the only person to feel overwhelmed by motherhood. Saddened – that so many of us feel so down, and that we only feel we can talk about it via social media.

I’ve started to get all these messages from women, telling me their mum stresses and asking for my opinion. Besides the

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